Q. I m undergoing spiritual awakening since last year, which I believe got started by kundalini awakening. My intuition took me to Vipassana, where I attended three courses lasting ten days each, including two Sewa (service).
I’m also a spiritual healer like you. I’m experiencing the sound of Anhad Naad for the last 15 days almost continuously. When I meditate, it increases, but I want to ask, despite all this, why I am not finding stability in my career and relationships.
I’m not sure about my life purpose yet. I have many skills and talents, but I’m losing interest in life day by day. I’m also not able to get married, and there are so many other issues. Pls suggest how to find one’s life purpose, if it’s spirituality, how to move ahead.
A. Thanks for writing! Before answering your question, let me clarify that I’m NOT a spiritual healer or a teacher. People often mistake me for being those because I talk about spiritual concepts and philosophies, but I have nothing to teach. I’m not a spiritual doctor, and I have nothing to offer as a prescription. I’m a storyteller, and I like to share my experiences with others.
Since that’s out of the way, let’s get to your questions. Do you notice something familiar in your questions? All of your questions persist on a structure or a foundation. This foundation is common to all of your problems. And that is the “I,” “Me,” or “Mine.”
I’m not mocking you but trying to bring your awareness to the core of your issues. Reread your questions and notice the central theme of “I,” on which everything stands. This “I-thought” is the root of all our problems in life; therefore, it requires an immediate investigation.
When you say sentences like, “I did this,” “I meditated,” “I did not get that,” “my career,” “my relationships,” “this happened to me,” and so on, you’re only creating content for the pre-existing structures. The reason for our suffering is that the content keeps refreshing, but the underlying ego structures remain.
Till there is an “I” listening to the Anhad Naad or Meditating to “become” happy, suffering will persist. The whole idea of spirituality is to investigate this “I-thought,” but instead, we keep strengthing it by creating more content.
Therefore, our life becomes “me and my story.” A story that keeps us trapped in the dead past or takes us into an imaginary future. True happiness lies in this present moment. This “me” is not interested in spirituality or meditation. It is only interested in expanding itself by adding more content.
All the spiritual practices are to dissolve this “I-thought” or ego. Yet, we keep clinging to it in some way or the other. The non-dual teaching is a pointer to THAT. But the little “me” keeps clinging to ideas, concepts, theories, philosophies and perpetuates suffering. Do you see the trap?
This problem is widespread among spiritual seekers. They all want liberation, but they are unwilling to let go of the little “me.” You say you have many talents and skills, so what’s stopping you from focusing on your career or relationships?
What I think is that you’re confused about this whole concept of spirituality. You see a separation between spiritual and material life, but they are one. Your mind is tearing you apart, and you are unable to focus on either.
Many people think that they will attain permanent bliss upon spiritual awakening and that it will end their suffering forever. That it will sort your career, relationships, and other problems. That’s not how life works.
If you lack stability in material aspects of your life, why don’t you pay attention to them? Instead of chasing Kundalini or spiritual awakening, why don’t you focus on your career? You’re young (I assume from your question), and you have your whole life ahead for spiritual work.
You’re riding on two boats, and that’s dangerous. No matter how spiritual, one has to earn a living to survive. And who says that spirituality is only about wearing robes or reciting mantras? True spiritual awakening comes to those who cultivate a harmonious mind. It is possible to have that living in the world material.
You can do all the practices in the world or take Sannyasa (becoming a renunciate), but your mind will never leave you. It will go where you go. Go to the mountains, caves, or forests – it will always be there.
I’m not asking you to throw away your spiritual practices. All I’m saying is that you will reach nowhere without self-investigation. Examine the “I-thought.” Find out who is suffering. Where is it? Don’t chase Kundalini cause you’ll be troubled if it comes to bite you.
I have witnessed so many cases where people try to awaken Kundalini forcefully, only to repent later. This potent energy does not care about the little “me.” It has a will of its own. Do your spiritual practices and leave the outcome to the will of the divine energy.
I don’t know if this is what you were expecting, but this is all I have for you right now. Focus on the aspects that are relevant for you right now rather than chasing fantasies. Work on your career and bring stability to your life, and after that, we’ll talk about Kundalini.
I wish you all the best. Take care.
