How Our Social Life Changes After Spiritual Awakening?

In my 20s, I would go to pubs with my friends for drinks, junk food, loud music, and dancing with attractive women. It looked exciting and thrilling at that time, which I mistook for happiness. The need to conform was so high that I disregarded the damage I was doing to my mind and body. Life was simple. Get up in the morning, go to work, hit the joints in the evening, and finally, go home and sleep. However, an intense feeling of emptiness or void haunted me, prompting me to seek more pleasure in the external world.

Creating an image of oneself and conforming to upkeep that seemed like an idealistic goal of life at that time. There was no self-reflection on why the image was so important to keep and defend. Conforming to social norms seemed to be a safe strategy to navigate life, even if it came at the cost of bodily harm and psychological restlessness. There was pressure to please people. There was a need to be liked and admired by others. People’s opinions mattered at that time. Being cool was a solid projection to hide inner conflict.

Where was the conflict? The things that I thought would bring me more pleasure and happiness were making me more and more miserable. The need to seek more pleasure and avoid pain was creating more suffering.

“True happiness cannot be found in things that change and pass away. Pleasure and pain alternate inexorably. Happiness comes from the Self and can be found in the Self only. Find your real Self and all else will come with it” – Nisargadatta Maharaj

At one point, it became clear that acquired happiness comes with an equal amount of unhappiness coupled together. This link of opposites cannot be broken in this realm of existence that we call earthly life. All suffering is associated with clinging to one and avoiding the other. This understanding brought a lot of peace as there was now no more need to please anyone. Socializing was reduced and became limited to a few people.

It is natural that when one starts embracing their true nature and living consciously, they start losing old friends, associations, and relationships. Living authentically can trigger those who are still in the grip of the conventional structures created by society. Why? Because such people cannot be easily manipulated and controlled. They do not believe in hierarchies and social orders. They speak their truth fearlessly and act spontaneously.

They do not worry about offending people with their thoughts and ideas. They refuse to conform to conventional norms. For example, when I stopped going to pubs and gave up consuming alcohol, I noticed many of my so-called “friends” disappeared. They stopped calling and slowly faded into oblivion. And neither was there a need within me to hold them for any purpose. Therefore, when the common binding factor is gone, these people wither away like leaves in the autumn.

Another change that happens is that one starts withdrawing from social events. I struggled with this because I was always an introvert pretending to be an extrovert. I would go to social events and find an isolated spot for myself where I simply passed time waiting for the event to finish. After spiritual understanding, we begin saying NO to requests to visit social events. Yes, many times it is perceived as rude and arrogant by many people but their perception doesn’t matter. In fact, we start saying NO to a lot of requests and favors, and on the surface that may seem cruel, but it’s for personal peace and conservation of energy to do meaningful work. Yes, this behavior disappoints many people. People take it personally thinking “they” are being rejected but saying NO is for personal peace of mind and not for upsetting anyone. It’s not being rude or disregarding other people’s sentiments. It’s just showing them, most compassionately, that we value our peace above everything else.

Pleasure in the moment is enjoyed but there is no chasing for repeat of pleasure. Pain in the moment is accepted but there is no aversion towards it. Pleasure and pain are seen as alternating cycles of pure experiences.

I worked in the corporate world for over a decade. In 2015, I left my cushy corporate job to venture into the world of mystics and spirituality. My decision to leave the job at the peak of my career was not welcomed by many “friends.” However, my destiny was to leave the corporate world and start my spiritual journey. I have heard of so many seekers who quit conventional careers and take up things like art. We take that decision fully understanding that we may have to live frugally and downsize on many needs. The pull of seeking truth is so strong that money and material possessions never become an obstacle for an earnest seeker. A true seeker will take all hardships and challenges to seek truth because the pull of the awareness becomes strong. Having glimpsed reality, one cannot go back to mundane life. One cannot pretend to be what one is not. Going back to what I was living in my 20s and 30s is not a possibility anymore. Compromising my sleep or diet for a night out with “friends” (though I don’t have friends like that anymore) is not possible anymore. Altering my perception of things and life to please or conform to others is not possible anymore. I keep the door to my heart open. Anyone can walk in and also leave if they wish to.

I’m now 45 and live a slow and laidback life. I have the love and support of a community that is vibrant and alive. People in my life are sensitive, empathic, and full of compassion. It is not to say that we are perfect but we own our imperfectness and flaws. We hold Satsang (Zoom Talks) every weekend where we exchange beautiful thoughts and share intimately our personal experiences. The nature of this socializing is completely different from the superficial social interactions I had when I was working in the corporate sector. There is no pretense and we are all allowed to be ourselves. Nobody is judged or mocked for having unconventional ideas about life and living.

“If a person overlooks the faults of others, and sees only their merits, and thus keeps his mind serene, his whole life will be happy. To be unconcerned in all things, with the mind cool, free of desires and without hate, is beautiful in a seeker.”
― Ramana Maharshi

The message is clear and simple and beautifully expressed by Shri Ramana Maharshi, “Don’t be this or that, just BE.” In Being, you will discover who you are. And that self-knowledge will free you from the bondage of illusion that creates suffering.