Only the Knowledge “I AM” Can Be Trusted

Don’t rely on people, time, and circumstances to bring you peace and happiness but tap into that vastness that is already there within you.

I was walking on the busy New Delhi streets all by myself today, seeing a little blurry and wondering what was wrong with my eyes. I noticed tears sprinkled down my eyes. My heart felt heavy. What was this pain? Why was it there? There was immense grief connected to an event that took place a few minutes before.

The event in question is not important, and neither are the characters involved. To say that this particular event led to pain would be inadequate information as I would be reducing the experience to what was observed sensorily. This event (and the high voltage drama preceding it) was all the past conditioning that acted in that moment with high intensity which led to pain and finding an outlet as grief.

Even to blame any individual would be inadequate information because they, too, were subjected to their past conditioning. In other words, it was all conditioning manifesting in the moment as drama. In the moment, it felt as if the characters were operating volitionally. However, it is not so because the characters were completely overpowered emotionally, but again, that’s limited information. Who was doing what, and to whom?

Nonetheless, there was a complete acknowledgment of the pain and grief happening in the mind-body organism identified as “me.” The pain was so intense that I wasn’t paying any attention to the physical aspects. When I reached the cafe where I usually work, I was drenched with sweat because of the extreme humidity in the weather.

Air conditioning in the cafe did bring some relief; however, my heart was still paining. I ordered my regular herbal tea, sat in the usual corner, and was just being myself at that moment. I did not move a muscle and was allowing every emotion to crop up and play. And boy, it was quite a show. I felt the unease and the overwhelm. A thought arose, “Who was wrong?” And I didn’t have an answer to that question. Did I even want an answer? Would the most rational and logical answer take away this overwhelm I was experiencing at that moment?

The mind was constantly raising defenses, “Oh, they were wrong because they did this or that,” “I was wrong because I couldn’t do this,” and so on. There was an awaring presence to this contemplation, where a realization happened: “Am I really interested in knowing the answers?”

That’s it. That was the end of it all. The mind cannot and will not be satisfied, especially when the emotions are riding high. However, the stillness dissolved the questions, along with the emotional undercurrent. The heaviness in my heart was gone and there was acceptance of the situation the way it was. There was no more need to discuss or “talk it out” or seek clarification for anything, however, if clarification or talking it out is sought in the future, that’s okay too.

“I AM” Is The Polish That Cleans The Mirror

Time is not particularly useful when it comes to regulating one’s emotions. Although it may seem that the “person” has calmed down after some time, the reactivity comes back again.

“I AM” is the ocean of consciousness or pure presence from which everything emerges as “I am this or I am that,” and into which everything subsides. When we watch ourselves in the mirror, we find ourselves ugly. It’s not that we are ugly; it’s that the mirror is dirty.

Being or “I AM” is the polish that cleans the mirror, and it does not require time. I AM is beyond time and space. It is the vastness in which time appears. Time cannot exist independently of it, but IT can exist all by itself. Therefore, if you’re relying on time and experience to bring a change in the “person,” you’ll be disappointed.

Whenever we react to a given situation, immediately the mind rises in defense with a solution, “I was reactive because they hurt me,” “I’m going to give them silence to make them realize what they have done,” and so on.

Or, it may come up with a solution for itself, “I will be calm if I keep silent and lay low for a while.” While there’s nothing wrong with finding solitude for oneself as it gives insight into the situation from a fresh perspective, it doesn’t do much to change the person.

Everything can be dropped in this very moment, or now.

When the story of what happened drops, there’s no conflict. What happened is seen as an impersonal happening, which was happening to no one. No hero or villain in the story. “I AM” is the impersonal awareness that brings this insight. Waiting for time to heal and correct situations is a trap because time is a creation of the mind bound to memory. Mind will only bring up images from the past and build a collage and superimpose on What-Is.

“I AM” is the heart of being whose nature is forgiveness, equanimity, and tranquility. There’s nothing needed to access it because it is always with you. Just tap into it whenever you want.

Only the Knowledge “I AM” Will Never Deceive

Trust in human beings will always be relative. You can trust your loved ones, but it will always be relative. There will be moments of distrust and deception no matter how close you are to the other. It’s not “their fault,” that’s how the duality is by design. Human beings are moody creatures. Sometimes they want to be social; other times, they want to be alone. Sometimes they like you; other times, they don’t want any part of you. That’s how we all are, including myself. And that’s okay.

However, the knowledge I AM is unchanging and not deceptive. Being present with this awaring presence is peaceful. It is not deceptive as it is the constant background of all that changes. Your loved ones may leave you, but this knowledge I AM, once known (not intellectually but as the Heart) never leaves. It is your Being-ness, Am-ness, and Is-ness. It is the infinite playground of all that manifests.

People can stop loving you as the conditions change (which are most likely to change for most of us), however, your Being-ness is beyond conditions. Therefore, it is your true love. It is most intimate to you and closer to you than thought. Thoughts cannot arise and sustain without I AM, but I AM can stand alone. Thought cannot destroy it as it is the substratum of all thinking.

Tapping into this spacious awareness does not require time. It can be done instantaneously, as it is here and now. If you’re thinking of using the mind to find your way into the I AM, you have already objectified the pure subject into an object of your imagination. Therefore, don’t rely on time.

Drop it now and BE!

“Your ideas about yourself change from day to day and from moment to moment. Your self image is the most changeful thing you have. It is utterly vulnerable, at the mercy of a passerby. A bereavement, the loss of a job, an insult, and your image of yourself, which you call your person, changes deeply. To know what you are, you must first investigate and know what you are not. And to know what you are not, you must watch yourself carefully, rejecting all that does not necessarily go with the basic fact: “I am.” Our usual attitude is of “I am this.” Consistently and perseveringly separate the “I am” from “this” or “that” and try to feel what it means to be, without being “this” or “that.” All our habits go against it and the task of fighting them is long and hard sometimes, but clear understanding helps significantly. The more clearly you understand that on the level of the mind you can be described in negative terms only, the more quickly you will come to the end of your search and realize your limitless being.”
― Nisargadatta Maharaj, I Am That: Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj