The True Refuge is Not Outside But the Heart Space Within

Heart is the true refuge, readily accessible here.

We are taught to fear doing things alone or in ways that are different from what we are told. What does this say about a culture? When we believe we are not capable or “good,” we think and act dependent on others instead of trusting ourselves. It’s not comfortable being spiritually awakened, and maybe that’s the point. Living from the Heart and being vulnerable with others requires me to be courageous and less fearful.

When we let go of fear, we no longer doubt our inner compass. Then, the greatest authority is personal experience coupled with intuition. We no longer feel we must seek solutions, validation, or answers beyond the self, when in doubt.

More than that, personal experience is the only refuge after spiritual awakening.

Then it is clearly seen that what we are taught is nothing more and nothing less than a complex construct reflecting society’s immediate standards, which I do acknowledge are important to be aware of for more harmonious daily living in the world—but only when it creates more peace in ourselves, and not when it serves only to benefit others financially or make them more comfortable being spiritually fast asleep in their lives. The truth is, this happens on micro- and macro-levels, from family relationships to workplaces and other powerful organizations.

I was taught as a child to obey unquestioningly the controlling roles—parents, teachers, elders, clergy, businesspeople, and people with apparently more money than we had.

I noticed, however, that my parents wanted to be seen as rugged individuals, but in reality they taught their children to follow authority and ignore their inner guidance. (Individual and individuality are just concepts, and I am using these words to point to the sense of being responsible for oneself in connection to a greater source of intelligence beyond the self and Heart-centered intuition that each one of us has access to—at least that’s how I see it.) I don’t blame my parents for doing this, although I used to in my younger years. Over time, I saw their suffering and let go of blaming. Now, I don’t harbor anything but goodwill towards them, even if that means maintaining spaciousness for my own peace of mind.

Beginning in childhood, I felt bothered by inconsistencies in people around me, and I stopped following advice because I saw hypocrisy throughout society, including in myself sometimes. As tough as this was for a child to contemplate, I now see it was the greatest thing that could have happened to me. Why? Because I learned directly through painful personal experience at a young age to rely first on myself, to be responsible for my actions and words, and to live simply so that I can take care of myself in harmony with my nature and without a lot of complexity. Essentially, I learned to see Source as my guiding light in life, my highest authority within. Over time, I awoke and developed spiritual friendships, which continue to show me the ultimate path of the Heart.

Slowly, in tandem with self-inquiry, my emotional self appeared to be regulating naturally—without any force applied, just by grace. This felt amazing to me because I had been reactive in my youth. Jealousy, fear, envy, and hatred dropped away. Compassion and neutral introspection felt like my center. Grief and irritation can still come up within me to this day. But, those moments are relatively brief. Most notably, they don’t carry long-term stories in me anymore. I feel like I can enjoy life and be creative.

Now, as I find myself living in New Delhi, India—the largest city I have ever seen in my life—I notice there is no lingering feeling of being overwhelmed despite the noise and intensity here. I am able to be in the present moment and observe what’s going on. My feelings have evened out as I age, and I hope I continue to learn and grow from my emotions without letting them get the best of me. Being more present has made me resilient and adaptable in small and simple ways. I also don’t hang onto the past or let my imagination run very far into the future.

Here in Delhi, I sometimes go to a cafe on weekends. I tend to bring a book to read by myself, and occasionally, I do get interrupted by people. I generally do not engage when people approach me putting up a fake persona; I have found the courage to excuse myself to maintain my peace. Other times, based on intuition alone, I will briefly listen to people who want to speak to me about their problems. I want to stay with the moment, no matter what, even when I get irritated. My mind says that an interruption is something painful, but upon examination, there is no actual interruption, and nothing to defend against. Resistance often intensifies whatever we are avoiding.

In my most recent visit to the coffeeshop in New Delhi, this passage caught my eye and struck deeply. It’s from a book called Guru Nanak’s Discourse to the Nath Yogis, and it is said to have originally been translated from the Dhammapada. The passage goes like this:

Many for refuge go

To mountains and to forests,

To shrines that are groves or trees—

Humans who are threatened by fear.

This is not a refuge secure,

This refuge is not the highest.

Having come to this refuge,

One is not released from all misery.

To me, based on my own experiences traveling and prior years of trying to avoid life with asceticism, the self-denial was not a refuge. The wilderness was not a refuge, either. The remote places and renunciation merely lessened my interactions with other people, which seemed peaceful at first. Then, something changed. Spiritual awakening has a period of dryness followed by rain. Beauty and wisdom through poetry and spiritual friendships happened. By then, I turned within and saw what I was facing and not facing. The only true refuge is inside ourselves, and peace is being alive in common sense with those who relate clearly.

Where is the source of our own happiness? Within. How can I prove this? I can’t. But I can share that, right now, the evidence is being happy in a city of more than 33 million people and still being peaceful. The peace no longer depends on externals or specific conditions. This, for me, is the true release from all misery. The word misery points to holding on to this and that. Instead, I learned about letting go and moving onwards with a higher peace of mind beyond individual understanding and reason. Here is the refuge inside the Heart. How wonderful that it is accessible right now to each of us!