How Do I Get Rid of Self-Pity and Feeling of Being Deprived?

Q.: I was born in a little distorted family and due to my father’s aggressive and blunt nature, very few relatives talk to us. On the other hand, when I see my husband, he gels very well with all cousins and relatives of his. I do feel some jealously and a sense of deprivation that makes me question God.

I feel I am deprived of that social security. 

I don’t know if I am able to express my question but I want to accept life as is. How to get rid of this sense of pity upon myself.

A.: In the words of Sri. Ramana Maharshi, the only thing that sets us free is self-knowledge, which is not something new to be acquired, but to realize one’s most natural state of “being.” The power that has put you on this path will guide and nurture you. Fortunately or unfortunately, we cannot hasten this process. The more we try, the further we delay liberation.

Feelings like jealousy or a sense of deprivation are arisings in consciousness. When the sensations happen in the body, the “me”-mind quickly takes charge as the owner of the sensations, “I am jealous,” “I feel deprived,” “I don’t want to feel this or that….” It is all a part of the same movement, which is the sense of personal identification.

At the root of it all, is the “I-thought” which is the key to liberation from the personal self – the one that lives in guilt, regret, and pity. Examine this and you’ll see that everything is happening, but nothing ever happens to you. Be totally present to the feelings, and you’ll see there is no locus to them.

Now coming to the practical aspect, I’ll give my own example. When this realization struck “me,” I immediately knew the course of my future actions. Earlier, I earned good money and recognition in my corporate job, but felt hollow from within for I knew that my actions were purely self-motivated. When the illusion dropped there was no motivation to continue on that path.

Now I earn less money and all of my old friends who I worked with are not in touch, but I’ve never felt happier because I receive love from people all over the world. When our actions become selfless there cannot be depression or any sense of lack because then we receive genuine love from genuine people.

Explore aspects of life beyond family and close relationships and see if you can devote yourself to something (whatever resonates). It needn’t be anything great. Something as simple as writing or sharing thoughts with others without expecting anything in return can be life-changing. The more you run to secure the small “self” the further you separate from the SELF.

There is no security for the small “self” cause it is an illusion. Whatever is built on the limited is bound to fall and break. That is why the scriptures say that know yourself as the Sat-Chit-Ananda (being-consciousness-bliss).

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Jagjot Singh
Jagjot Singh

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